Thai Culture and Customs

Thai culture has always been a mystery to me and even though I've been here almost 6 years...there are still things that I don't and may never understand.

Last Sunday's Bangkok Post had a very interesting story regarding one aspect of Thai culture. It's called "Greng Jai". Not easy to explain but Andrew Biggs has done a good job of explaining this.

Many of you who will read this will only ask "why are they like this?" And the Thais will ask "why are you like this?" Culture is a very strange thing and not always easy to explain or understand. BUT it is there and when you live or visit a foreign country, you really need to try to understand and respect its culture.

Here is the article....I hope that you will be open minded enough to at least make the effort to understand.

THE GREAT GRENG JAI GRIPE
One of the basics for understanding Thailand and its people is coming to grips with its difficult but meaningful language, and two words in particular.

By: Andrew Biggs
Published: 3/05/2009 at 12:00 AM
Newspaper section: Brunch

For all their faults, and if you don't factor in the politicians, Thais really are a lovely group of people.

Forget about that occasional irritating civil servant bound by draconian laws, or the lobotomic department store staff with the winsome "no have" smile - the average Thai is a lot more polite than you or me.

I put this down to the Thai culture, Buddhism, a hot climate and abundant natural resources. But as anybody who's hit 40 already knows, nothing is permanent and things have a habit of falling apart.

In Thailand, natural resources are dwindling, the weather is getting hotter and monks are wearing make-up while lip-synching to I Will Survive.
Yet for all the problems Thailand may be facing, the Thais still have one thing over us. It's something they are extremely proud of; it even makes them feel a little superior, bless their hearts.

They have greng jai, and we don't. Or so they say.

Greng jai is a feeling of not wanting to put another person out, or hurt another person's feelings. I mean, it's a feeling of consideration for others.

It's a feeling of wanting to make the other person feel good. It's, it's ...
See, dear reader? As I try to explain this feeling, I am helplessly sucked into the quicksand of English vocabulary. The closest word to it is "consideration", but even that seems a little flaccid - another dreaded adjective for anybody who's hit 40.

I'm not complaining. I once wrote an entire book entitled What Does Greng Jai Mean in English? which sold nearly 100,000 copies. It paid off a significant part of my mortgage as well as more than a few bottles of Saeng Thip back in the good old days when I had a death wish and could actually drink Thai whiskey.

It's a word that is firmly embedded in the hearts and language of Thais, which leads to a rather poignant delusion suffered by Thais - that nobody else in the world is capable of feeling greng jai. Hence the irritating question: Do westerners feel greng jai?

Of course we do, but don't be deceived by Thai propaganda. Greng jai is a nice thing, but it is also a major hindrance to progress in this country. Because, like everything in life, it is not simply black and white. Greng jai turns you into a caring, thoughtful human being - it can also transform you into a directionless jellyfish.

I used to play squash with a colleague whose nickname was Eddie from Hell. Oh all right, it was just Eddie; I was responsible for the rest. Eddie from Hell and I played squash every Thursday morning. One Wednesday I was sitting at my desk and saw him running down the corridor on his way home when I said: "See you tomorrow at 9am."

Eddie from Hell stopped. Looked at me. Opened his mouth. "Maybe," he said. And ran off.
"Eddie!" I screamed and he stopped in his tracks. "Come back here!" It was such a terse command he immediately came slinking back. "Siddown," I said in my best John Wayne accent, and Eddie from Hell sat down reluctantly.

I took a deep breath. "You're not coming tomorrow, are you?"

He ummed and ahhed and spoke in every tangent other than direct. "Actually, my mother is arriving from upcountry tonight, and I have to take her to the hospital tomorrow morning."
"So," I began, realising the utter futility of even asking, "Why didn't you tell me you wouldn't be able to make it?"

Eddie from Hell looked at me and, true to his name, replied: "Greng jai." Greng jai. Eddie from Hell didn't want to say: "I can't come tomorrow morning," because he was considerate of my feelings?! He didn't want to upset me, so it was easier just to leave me like a shag on a rock at the squash court the next morning. At least I didn't feel bad in front of his face.

Back when I used to drive, I was coming out of my moo ban when I spotted a young man who lived two doors down from me walking to the end of the soi where he worked. I wound down the window. "Hop in," I said. "I'll give you a lift."

He smiled and waied me and said never mind. I was insistent. He shook his head: "It's okay. Greng jai."

Now, to my Western mind that simply didn't make sense. How was it putting me out for him to sit in my car for two minutes to the end of the soi? But I had been in Thailand long enough to know what was going on. As the son of a maid, it wasn't right for him to have a farang drive him to work. Either that, or his mother had taught him well - as did my own - not to accept lifts from weird looking men. Imagine if I'd offered him a lolly!

It wasn't long after that incident that we had a new show on TV. The work process was simple - we filmed the show, edited it, sent it to me to check the English graphics, changes would be made, then we sent it to the TV station. When I told my assistant producer, Chicken (Remember him? The cock story from three or four weeks ago?), he understood his position clearly.
We filmed the first episode. Chicken went away and edited it. He sent a copy to me to check, and sure enough, there were 10 mistakes.

Chicken sat down with a pen and paper and jotted down the mistakes as I went through the tape with him. Spelling mistakes, graphics in the wrong colour, extra words to be added - the usual stuff. Chicken nodded wisely and wrote furiously. At the end I asked Chicken the fatal question: "Now, how quickly can you make these changes so that we can send this on to the TV station?"
Chicken turned into Eddie from Hell. "Well, um, actually it's like this - I sent it to the TV station already," he said.

"You what"? It took all I could to tame the Hideous Farang Beast within me from rising up. The fact he had sent it already was bad enough. But the guy had sat there for half an hour writing down the changes he knew all along he wouldn't have to make! "Why didn't you tell me in the beginning before we wasted all this time telling you to make the changes? Why, Chicken? Why?" I was sounding like a jilted soap opera star.

"Greng jai," Chicken replied.

So I don't know if greng jai is as good as the Thais crack it up to be. I only know it is, and it exists. And it works! These days when I won't arrive for another hour I tell my workmate I'm 10 minutes away. When my Brunch editor calls me for my column, I tell him he'll get it in an hour and then, later that night, I start to wonder what I will write about when I sit down at my PC the next morning.

This is the joy of living in Thailand. You don't have to be responsible for your actions. You don't have to aspire to greatness. You just have to be greng jai - of everybody.

Weekend In Pattaya

May 1 Pat and I went to Pattaya...AGAIN....with our friends Pong and Larry. Pat had a final exam in the afternoon so we couldn't leave until about 5pm. No problem....we got on the buss and was in Pattaya by 8pm. Met up with Pong and Larry for a little dinner and then to bed.

On Saturday, we had breakfast and then off to the beach....lovely. Not too much of a breeze but it was jut lovely to sit and watch the waves come in. After about 3 hours we decided to head into the city for some shopping and lunch.

The new Central Department store was our destination. The mall has only been open for about 4 months and was as modern as any in any country. Lunch was at a Vietnamese restaurant...one that Pat and I ate at on our last visit. Photos were taken from the 6th floor looking over the bay....lovely also.

There was a travel show in the mall and on the beach walk....plenty of things to see and buy. Larry purchased some wine...me too...BUT as luck would have it...as we were checking out of the hotel on Sunday....the bottle broke....DAMN! Oh well.

Walking street is a pedestrian area only and full of great places to eat. We were on our way to the pier to eat on one of the restaurant boats in the harbour. It was a long walk but fun.

Dinner was delightful. We were the first on the ship and there were no less than 4 or 5 wait staff around us all the time. The food was nice and the view at sunset was beautiful. A lovely evening.

We had an early breakfast at Papa Davids and then off to the buss station to get back to Bangkok. A wonderful weekend for the 4 of us.